Ah, okay. Thank you for more!
Dear Past Me,
I have an extensive list of things I wish you would have done by age 19, but I think pulling through middle school and high school without killing yourself is enough. I am not better, but for the first time I see getting better as a legitimate possibility. But! I’ll have you know that the suicidal thoughts have not gone away, nor has the self-destructive behavior, but it has gone down to a degree, which is something I feel should be celebrated. It kind of makes it feel like it’s on its way to almost over, but I can’t say for certain what over actually means. To close, I’ll say that I don’t like you, but I do think you did the best that you could and for that, I hold a tiny amount of pride.
Dear Ex-Boyfriend (I’m going to go with Kale, as he was my first serious boyfriend),
There was a point in time where you were the most trusted person in my life. There was a point where I believed you were right to hurt me in the physical and emotional ways that you did. It’s progress on my part to see that I didn’t deserve any of that. I don’t really have anything else to say other than that I forgive you and hope like hell you don’t treat anyone else in that way.
Dumb crushes. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have one.
Dear Person I Had a Crush On,
I have liked you for quite a while, probably since not long after I met you and realized how great a human you are, but that’s something that I’ll probably never tell you because I know that those kind of feelings would never be reciprocated and I value our friendship too much to go and make it weird and potentially ruin it. I think that you are one of the most wonderful human beings that I have ever met. I would even go as far as to say that you are the most wonderful human being I have ever met. I like the way you are. I like the things you do. There’s absolutely nothing I don’t like about you. I am a better person for knowing you and maybe that’s enough. Dumb, gushy feelings aside, thank you for being there for me even though I definitely didn’t deserve it.
(Thanks for asking a thing, Melissa. I am convinced I am invisible to my followers. Or a ghost. I am a tumblr ghost, but like, not the kind that scares people, but the kind that quietly floats around and gets ignored.)